“Actions prove who someone is, words prove who someone wants to be…”
How can a person look into your eyes, smile at you everyday, confess how much they love you, when every single word that comes out of their mouth is a lie, every promise made will be broken, every sincere apology really means leave it alone they did nothing wrong and will do it again with no sympathy or regret whatsoever. How can a person say they love you when they constantly engulf you in pain and disappointment, and everytime they do it they shatter a small piece of you, pieces you can never get back. The cycle continues, quickly chipping you away piece by piece until there is nothing left to shatter; to take. They continue giving you a sliver of happiness, a glimmer of hope that they’ve changed, so we give them that 2nd, 8th, 20th chance, only for them to without hesitation rip it all from under you, leaving you hurt, broken, and stupid for falling for it all over again. The love we have for them, our entire heart and soul we’ve given to them completely blinds us, erases all of our common sense, all of our knowledge and instincts. It continues to give us the hope and faith that this person loves us too, loves us so much that they will change, stop lying, treat us right, do anything to maintain our happiness, yet it never happens because they don’t actually love or care for us in the slightest bit. All we are are placeholders waiting until the person they actually feel is the right one comes along….
During a period of insanity, a person doesn’t realize they’re insane. Only after do their eyes finally open allowing them to see, most of the time. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result, but there’s another word that also comes to mind when I hear that definition; love. I feel it’s only right that love be placed in the thesaurus as another synonym for insanity because it seems to me they mean the same thing. Or maybe I’m wrong and instead love is just the cause for insanity, like the side effects listed on the side of a prescription bottle, except love doesn’t come with those warnings on a label or in an instruction booklet. Instead rather, you have to take the risk of falling into it to find out. But after that first fall, rather than taking heed to what cautions are now reality, you continue to chase it, yearn for it, develop the belief that you need it, just as you would for those drugs in a prescription bottle. You’ve now experienced the risks first hand, have the knowledge of what happened the first time, and yet you’re still seeking it out again with the belief that it will be real this time, that it will last, that it will be different. Then sooner or later you do happen upon it again, except it doesn’t last, and the only thing that’s different are the wounds, the scars you attained this time. This time you tell yourself it won’t happen again but times passes by, and this time love surprises you, and slowly but surely you fall again, and those hopes, dreams, and expectations creep back in and you’re positive that this time it is different, until it eventually isn’t….and the cycle continues. Now tell me isn’t that insanity? And why is it that we can never open our eyes long enough to see it……
I’ve been gone quite awhile, been going through a lot of things, but I’m back 🙂 and the positive is I have so much more to now write about. Hopefully you haven’t forgotten me, and enjoy the previous of course and new posts I’ll be writing. And I encourage comments and feedback because I’d really like to know what you think, so please let me know! I actually just finished a new writing now, but I’ll start with one of my recent tattoos and favorite quote.
“I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again”. I love the whole thing, but that’s my favorite line. 🙂