I went to sleep happy, with the faith that it would actually work this time. I actually felt a small piece of happiness, and then woke up with it all shattered once again. We just had a talk a few days prior to both come clean, lay everything on the table, and then I wake up only to discover more lies, that I was the only one that actually came clean so that we could start all over, what he said he wanted; when he gave me his word what we would do to fix this, and that it would actually be different this time. And once again stupidly I believed every word of it. And then I uncover it was again all a lie. When I turned on my phone and read those words and found out two of the biggest, most hurtful lies, I physically felt the last piece of my heart shatter. It literally felt as though someone, he, stabbed me directly in the heart as it was rapidly beating. I fell to the ground in pain, holding my chest, unable to breathe as tears began to quickly run down my face uncontrollably and I had a complete mental breakdown. I had given love one last chance with a person I had forgiven for deeply hurting me in the past, given my entire heart and soul to this person, went about the relationship in the right way, and for the first time truly fell in love and wasn’t with him because I ‘needed’ someone, and at the time he made me so happy. I gave him chance after chance to change, treat me right, open up, emotionally be there, as I did everything, put in all the effort I had to fight to make this work, and he did none of it in return. I should have seen it earlier, realized it before, but the love I had for him blinded me, and I didn’t have the strength until now to finally open my eyes. And now I’m alone, numb, shattered, with my life in shambles, while he walks away unaffected, whole, unbroken, holding on to the last piece of my heart so I never have a chance to try again, and with the belief that love is nothing but a myth to give us something to live for, when it reality it doesn’t exist….
I just wanted to let everyone know I’m so sorry for how long its been since I posted a writing, I’ve been going through a lot over the last few months and just get everything together, but im back! and starting today I will post at least once a week!