My Eyes are Finally Open

Why is it that so many of us ignore our first instinct? I knew in my gut that you were lying, and yet I wanted to believe you so badly that I just pushed that feeling to the side, put my faith in you with the hope that it would be different for once this time. That when you made that promise you intended to keep it and that when you said you loved me you actually meant it. Why is it that our innate need for human connection, for that one person who will love us with everything they have flaws in all, blinds us so badly that we are capable only of seeing what we want to. The signs, the lies, the flaws, the truth seem to just move out of our peripheral vision left off to the side, and if we catch a glimpse we refuse to see it for what it is, and use all the brain power necessary to come up with a reason, an excuse out of fear of seeing the truth and having to start all over again. I knew you were lying, you’d done so repeatedly in the past about it, and yet I wanted it to work so badly, loved you so much and gave everything I had left that I wanted, needed to believe you this time. I told you I emotionally couldn’t take another disappointment from you, I begged you not to lie to me again, and you assured me you wouldn’t do that. That you promise this time, and you brought me so much joy only to knowingly shatter it within days, and eliminate any chance of me being capable of giving myself to anyone else. And now I’ve never felt so cold, empty, heartless, and dead; let alone wished that so much on another person in return. All I can do from this point is be happy that although it unfortunately took this long, you finally revealed your true colors and I was finally capable of seeing them….