Uncertainty

I can understand your perspective and why you’re upset because you’ve chosen to put all of your eggs in one basket; my basket; but unfortunately I don’t have the ability or courage to do the same. See I’ve tried that many times, and everytime that basket gets dropped, and what am I left with? Nothing. So I’ve decided I’m done risking myself, done being vulnerable, done being broken. The thing is you don’t know me, no one really does. You know how I know? Because I get so lost in hiding so many parts of me that I don’t even know me. I’m not ready to take the rest of my eggs and place them into your basket because I’m not sure exactly how I feel about you yet, and there are so many things I want in a person that you lack. I’m not going to take a risk on an unsure thing, and I refuse to continue settling to protect others feelings while they hurt mine. I don’t want someone who continuously reminds me of my past and assumes the worst. I want someone who can accept it, and who brings out the best in me. I don’t want someone I have to help with their worries, I want someone who will take away mine. I don’t want someone who gets frustrated and ignores the only thing that allows me to get by, even if that thing to you is just a dog and nothing more. I want someone who loves her just as much, if not more, than I do. I don’t want someone who gets upset that I won’t so easily just open up and say how I feel, I need someone who is patient, understands that it takes me time and makes me comfortable enough to do so. I don’t want someone who acts as though nothing has happened when an argument or issue arises, I want someone who will at least address it even if it means just arguing back. This may seem like too much to ask, but I need someone who has almost if not everything that I want once I figure out what that is because I’ve tried too many times with people who have had none of it. I need someone I don’t have to question or second guess about. Only then will I be comfortable breaking my wall down, putting all my eggs in one basket. The fact of the matter is I can’t afford to take any more risks, only gaurantees, and because there are no gaurantees in life I’ll likely never put all my eggs in one basket so I hope you’ll accept the half I have the capability of giving you…

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